I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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