Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
