I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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