life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize