wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
