What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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