How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm just crazy horny about you
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
