would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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