Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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