im about as happy as oj after his trial
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize