youre lurking in front of me
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
