yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
