i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
