things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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