it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
