What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
