he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
