All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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