Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
