she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
