matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
