If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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