Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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