she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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