they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
