dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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