please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i barfeds in our rink
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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