I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
