I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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