I wannas sexs uuuuu
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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