ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
