Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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