genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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