I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
