Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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