I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
