i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
