cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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