It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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