and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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