my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
