i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize