Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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