I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
