some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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