It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
