Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
