the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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