It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
