did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
