I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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