I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
