They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Randomize
