so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
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It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
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Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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