from now on my penis is your penis
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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