my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
