fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
