I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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