So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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