the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
