that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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