I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
