she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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