We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
