Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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