i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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