Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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