I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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