You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
