for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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