I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
