Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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