some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
BRING THE BAGELS
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
