Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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