i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
