i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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