you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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