I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
