There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
