So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like death gave me a hand job
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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