i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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