Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
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do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
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I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.