Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it