she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?