Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day