Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
