What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
